💉🎉💉I’m Ready to Get This Party Started💉🎉💉

By Amanda Flaim

Groucho Manda

with her friend Brian at Cocotte Restaurant in San Francisco last year.

📸: Brian Adkins

Today I will receive the first dose of the medicines into my body that I am hopeful will knock out the stage 2 or 3 triple negative metaplastic carcinoma.

Late Friday (4 days ago) the UCSF researchers picked one ball out of 5 balls in the bingo basket and told me the drugs I would take if I did the clinical trial. In reality, they randomized it on a computer but I like to think of someone in a lab cranking a handle on a bingo basket and a ball rolling out. The 5 balls represent the 5 investigational arms of the trial: each with a different drug concoction.

The PET Scan & breast MRI show the cancer has spread a little bit:

• There is the main tumor in my left breast and two little satellite tumors on each side like moons related to a planet.

• There are also few lymph nodes that lit up and I will confirm the results of the aspirated cells: I am expecting these to come back positive and that the cancer has begun to move into the nodes just outside of the breast.

I had no idea how to make the decision on Friday when the notified me of the randomization results of the investigational arm I had been assigned to (aka what potions they were going to give me if I chose the clinical trial). The last four days have been a deep discernment process for me in deciding which treatment plan I should do: an FDA approved treatment for triple negative breast cancers or a clinical trial using some FDA approved drugs and some drugs are investigational and similar families of drugs to the standard treatment.

Now, on to today’s schedule —

9:50 am Port draw & blood tests

11:00 am Appointment with my oncologist, Dr. Hope Rugo. Great name, right? :0)

We will review clinical trial/any results back from recent biopsies and questions.

Jen, my older sister, will be with me and Ali, my younger sister, will be on the phone.

1:00 pm: Infusion

Jen will be with me.

We plan to drive home this evening but know that we have a nice, comfortable house to stay in if we are too tired thanks to a generous friend! Thank you to everyone that has offered their home!✨💗✨

I have lots more to write but would like to push this out as we are crossing the Bay Bridge and will arrive soon.

I’d like to end this on a note from my friend Mieze who noticed that I am starting the infusion on a full moon and that that was powerful. I like the witchy aspect of it! Here is what she wrote me about the moon…

🌕🌖🌗🌘🌚🌓🌔🌕

“Our bodies are mostly water.

We are affected by the moon.

When it’s full, we feel it. It’s also a powerful time to gather herbs and medicines under the full moon.

It’s a powerful time to pray, under the full moon, many women’s menstrual cycles link with the cycle of the moon.

They say it’s a powerful time to “let things go” - during the full moon when the moon is most abundantly seen. So letting go when, abundant and overflowing, the moon goes through it’s process of waxing (getting larger) and waning (getting smaller).

So it’s a time to release what no longer serves us - hone our priorities - the moon, after tonight will begin its waning process, slowly disappearing- the darkest nights of the month - making its way to the new moon.

Once the new moon comes, they say it’s a powerful time to call in what’s next - set intentions for the next month/period of time.

There will be lots of time to sit and call things in today and it’s also okay to sit and infuse and do nothing, be still and experience the moment.”

My mantra/meditation for the day:

“May I have strength for the journey, peace along the way, and the presence of heart to make meaning of what I’m walking through”

I invite you to pray this with me.

Thank you all for your support! I am receiving it and it is charging me.

I am sending out lots of love and hope each and every one of you receive it when you receive it.

I 💗 you.

📸 Description (below):

Getting ready for business time with my oncologist who is also the principal investigator for the clinical trial.

A special thank-you to Danielle for browsing the Japanese stationary store in Japan Town with me and helping me get organized. She gifted me with a medical notebook and a separate journal for writing utilizing my favorite Japanese paper to fill both journals.

It was great to see the journal matched the clothes I wore! Totally unintentional!