Happy Cancerversary!
Photo Cred: Brian A.
Oops-a-doo, it’s been a minute since I’ve updated here.
For the record: I am publishing without reviewing so feel free to let me know of any edits I should make. :o)
Here’s a High Level Summary of How I’ve been/What I’m Doing Now:
-5 weeks of Radiation went fine
- Started Chemo & Immunotherapy: Chemo goes through July and Immunotherapy goes through December. I’m tolerating things pretty well. Side effects that I experience are hair loss, diarrhea, nausea & vomiting. But its manageable so I’m not suffering very much! I just take a pill when I have a side-effect and it goes away in like 30 minutes.
- I’ve been staying with Oli and Ivan during treatment and it has been a lovely place to spend this time period. Thank you O & I!
- June 20th: PET Scan This is the next big milestone and will let us know if the cancer has spread or not.
Next up - Happy Cancerversary!
A year ago tonight I found out I had cancer. I remember it like it was yesterday. I will write more a detailed description in a future post - I don’t feel like writing it out today.
I’ve been feeling called to write about this anniversary but avoiding it at all costs. Of course I waited until the very last minute to write it all out but that is just how I work, I guess.
I thought I could break down how I honor this day into categories:
1) What are the gifts that cancer has given me?
2) What things did I lose?
3) What did I let go of?
4) What was I afraid of/concerned with last year?
5) What am I afraid of/concerned with this year?
1) What are the gifts cancer has given me?
I get to spend more time with friends & family! I just plain see people more and I see more people, too, compared with B.C me. (B.C. = Before Cancer)
I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing new living situations/experiences! I had the Air b’nb which was a great recovery space to be in. It was like a cocoon. Thank you to those who helped make that happn! I also have stayed with Oli/Ivan, Heather W. and Brian! It’s great to be around my dear friends in that way.
I have new art communities!
UCSF’s Art for Recovery’s programs have provided me a new art community.
I participate with the Music program (I hang with Jim and listen and learn about the Mountain Dulcimer. I have even dusted mine off!)
I also participate with the Open Studios program and Art Therapy program.
My infusion days are starting to feel like good days because I bookend my infusion with Music before & Open Studio after!
I also began taking weaving classes at the Richmond Art Center so I’m geeking out about textiles once a week. I’m working on a table loom which means its portable so I can take it home each week and progress a bit.
I have new relationships that I see practically on the weekly of nurses, P.A.’s and doctors.
I have developed a few art projects:
Hands that Care: portrait photos of the many hands of my caregivers from the receptionist to the surgerons to the uber drivers and friends. Photo show is scheduled to be at UCSF Mission Bay for month of October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month) - I’ll send out info for the Reception once we nail down a date!
Boob Lamps: Resin replica lamps of the my breasts B.C. , after surgery but pre implant and I will eventually do a third that is after implant surgery.
Weaving: Exploring
Short-Term Thinking: This experience really forces me to stay in the present and think short-term. Like, what are things that can bring me joy today or this month or this year. I’m really not thinking past a year at this point. I don’t have much future-thinking or it doesn’t go too far into the future which is comforting for me. It’s definitely a mind-shift that has taken work to get to.
2) People & Things I lost because of cancer
My art students from my Zen Fibers class at MoArt and all of the students at MoArt that I interacted with.
I lost working with Paul at MoArt and just being around him so much.
I lost my art studio at MoArt (it’s still there - I’m just not).
I moved out my parents house and miss seeing them.
3) Things I let go of
Worrying about retirement: I can table that on a shelf right now and come back to it later.
Worrying about my occupation/career: Don’t get me wrong, I still think about it but I don’t worry about it. It’s like retirement, I can table that for another day.
4) Fears/Concerns
Last Year: Will I die within this next year? Am I going to feel sick all of the time?
Now: Is this current treatment plan killing the residual cancer cells in my body? What will the results be on my June 20th PET scan? Will it show the cancer has spread or will it be clear?
I’d like to do a little photo summary of the year but I’d like to publish this today and I’m not sure I have the energy to do the photo summary. I will send an update if I end up publishing a photo summary.
Again, thank you for all the love and support! I love you all!
Cancerversary Reflections